So far you have learnt:
•
What self-advocacy is
• Where you can use self-advocacy
• What skills you need to be good at self-advocacy
•
What you are already good at when you are speaking-up for yourself
• What you need to improve to be better at self-advocacy
• What your rights and responsibilities are as a person with
a disability from a CaLD background
In this Step you will learn:
• How to decide what you want to speak-up about
>> (Activity 4.1)
• How to decide who can help you when you are
self-advocating.
>> (Activity 4.2)
• How to decide how you want things to change.
>> (Activity 4.3)
The support skills that will help you in this Step are:
• Self esteem
>> (Self esteem activity)
• Assertiveness
>> (Assertiveness activity)
• Support networking
>> (Support networking activity)
But first, read some more of Maryam’s story and how she came
to decide on what problem she wanted to fix.
| Identify
the Problem: What is wrong? |
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There were a lot of things that Maryam thought were not fair.
She thought it was not fair that her parents had full control
over her bank account and would only give Maryam money for text
books. She thought it was not fair that some buildings were
not wheelchair accessible so that she could not join her friends
in going to some places. She thought it was not fair that people
thought she was weird because her parents acted differently
to theirs, that it was not fair her parents were scared to let
her do anything because they didn’t understand how things
were done in Australia, that it was not fair that people thought
she couldn’t do things because of her disability.
Maryam knew that they were all big problems and she wanted to
speak-up and try to change all of them but she knew that would
take a long time. Angela asked her to think of the problem that
stopped her living the way she would like to, or the problem
that made her most angry or upset. Maryam thought about it and
decided she would most like to take charge of her own money
in her bank account. Maryam knew that if she had money she would
be able to make more decisions about her life and be more independent.
So Maryam and Angela wrote down in big letters at the top of
a page “I DO NOT HAVE ACCESS TO THE MONEY IN MY BANK ACCOUNT”.
Maryam was happy she had made a decision and wanted to start
speaking up for herself straight away but Angela said self-advocacy
works best when you have a plan so they had a lot of work to
do first. |
Sometimes there might be many things you would like to speak-up
about but if you try to do them all at once you might get confused
or sidetracked. It is usually best to try to solve one problem at
a time.
• You need to get a clear idea of what the problem is. It
is hard to solve a problem if it is too big or you are unsure about
what you are trying to change. Think about what makes you angry
or upset.
• It is good to write down what the problem is so you can
look back at is as you are planning what to do and check that you
are trying to solve the right problem.
| Activity 4.1: What
Is Wrong? |
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Think of a problem you have that you would like to speak-up about
and then answer these questions.
| What
is the problem?
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What is it that I don't like?
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What makes me angry or upset? |
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| How
do I feel when the peoblem happens?
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Do I get angry?
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Do I get upset?
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| Why
do I feel like that when the problem happens?
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Are my rights being protected?
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Is it unfair?
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| Who
is causing the problem?
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Is it me?
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Is it somebody else?
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| When
does the problem happen the most?
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Does it happen when I am alone?
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Does it happen when other people are around?
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| Where
does the problem happen most?
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Does it happen in one place?
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Does it happen in a lot places?
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After you have answered all the questions think about your problem
again. In big letters on a piece of paper write down what the problem
is you would like to speak-up about. Keep the piece of paper so
you can go back and read it while you are planning and can focus
on what needs to be done.
| Deciding
who can help you? |
|
Maryam decided that she wanted to speak-up for herself and
ask her parents to give her access to the money in her bank
account. Angela told her the next thing to do was think of all
the people who might be able to give information that would
help Maryam to speak-up for herself. Maryam thought about it
and decided Angela was one person because she was teaching her
to speak-up. Angela asked if there were any other people who
could help Maryam or give her information that would help her.
Maryam thought the bank might have information that could help
her and that her brothers might be able to help her speak with
her parents. She couldn’t think of anyone else. Angela
suggested that Centrelink might be able to give Maryam information
that would be helpful because they paid her pension into the
bank account.
When they had finished talking about it, they wrote a list of
all the people that could be helpful. The list included Angela,
Maryam’s brothers, the bank and Centrelink. |
It is important for you to know which people are best to help with
your problem and, if you run into any problems, who to complain
to. If you don’t know the right people to contact, you might
waste energy being passed from one person to another without getting
anything done. You can talk with your support people to think of
all the people or agencies that might be able to help you or give
you information about your problem.
You also need to find out all the information you can about your
problem so you know what you can do to fix it. Research to see what
your rights are in relation to your problem.
• What solution can you expect to get?
• It is also important to find out what your responsibilities
are.
• What might you have to do to get the solution you hoping
for?
• Are you prepared to do that?
It is sometimes good to discuss the problem with family and friends
or a support worker who can support your self-advocacy. You should
write a list of the people who may be able to help you and then
talk with them to see if they would be able to support you.
| ACTIVITY 4.2: Who
can help me? |
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Sometimes you might want to speak-up for yourself but don’t
know who is the best person to speak to. You might also need some
more information before you can speak-up to prepare yourself. It
is good to know all the people you can speak to about your problem
and all the people who can give you more information that might
help you.
Write a list of people you trust and feel comfortable talking to.
You might like to talk to them and ask if they would be able to
be your support person while you are speaking up for yourself.
The people I feel comfortable speaking to about my thoughts and
feelings are:
1. ………………………………………………………………………………….
2. ………………………………………………………………………………….
3. ……………………………………………………………………………….
4. ………………………………………………………………………………….
5. ………………………………………………………………………………….
Then you need to think about who you are going to speak-up to and
who could give you information that might help you. Think about
the problem you decided to speak-up about and list all the people
you think could help. Speak with your support person to try and
think of everyone you can.
| Who is the
person (or people) I need to speak-up to about my feelings? |
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| Who has information
about this problem? |
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| Who could give
me information about my rights? |
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| Who could give
me information about my responsibilities? |
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| Goal
Setting: What do I want to change? |
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Maryam had decided what the problem was and had come up with
a list of people who might be able to help her speak-up about
what she wanted. Angela said the next thing she needed to do
was decide what she wanted to happen. Maryam didn’t need
any time to think about that. She wanted to have access to the
money in her bank account so she could be more independent.
Angela wrote that down next to the place where she had written
the problem but said that Maryam should think about some other
solutions like having access to only part of her pension and
saving the rest. Maryam got angry about that because it was
her money and she should be allowed to use it. Angela had said
it was hers so why should she only have part of it.
Angela asked her to remember all the fights Maryam had already
had with her parents about having access to all the money and
if she had got what she wanted then. Maryam said she hadn’t.
Angela said that good self-advocacy was not only about asking
for what you wanted, it was also about what the other person
wants. Angela said that Maryam’s parents might listen
to what she was saying more if they thought that Maryam had
thought about their thoughts and feelings and what they wanted.
Maryam and Angela then tried to think of some other solutions
that would make both her and her parents happy. Maryam was not
happy with some of the solutions they came up with, but Angela
said it was good to write them all down so they were more prepared.
As they came up with solutions they wrote them in a table that
had three columns: Best, Ok, and Bad. The solutions they had
in the Best column were: Maryam had access to all the money
in her account, Maryam had access to all the money if she stuck
to a budget she created, and access to all the money if some
was saved each week.
|
It is also good to write down the best solution you can think of
for the problem. Sometimes self-advocacy can take a long time and
it is easy to forget or get confused about what you are trying to
do. If you write down what you want to do, you can look back at
it along the way to check you are still on track. However, it is
not always possible to achieve your ideal solution and you may need
to make some compromises. It is good to write down other solutions
to your problem which are acceptable but not ideal. You need to
decide which areas you are willing to compromise on, and which areas
you are not prepared to negotiate.
| ACTIVITY 4.3: What
do I want to change? |
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After you have decided what the problem is and who the best people
to talk to about it are, you need to decide what you would you like
to happen. If you don’t think about exactly how you would
like things to change then you could speak-up for yourself and get
things to change in a way that you don’t like.
| What
needs to change?
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What is happening now that I don’t like?
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Have any other changes been tried?
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What is the cause of the problem?
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How does the problem make me feel? |
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| Who
needs to change?
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Does another person’s behavior need to change?
Who?
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Do many people’s behaviors need to change?
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Does my behavior need to change? |
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| Where
do things need to change?
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Do things need to change in one place? Where?
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Do things need to change in a lot of places?
Where?
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Do things need to change everywhere? |
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| Why
do things need to change?
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How does the way things are done now make
me feel?
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How would I like to feel?
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How will I feel if things do not change? |
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| When
do things need to change?
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Does the problem need to change now?
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Can the problem be changed slowly?
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By what date do I want things to change? |
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| How
do things need to change?
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What is the best way I can think of for things
to change?
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How would I like to feel?
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What are some other ways I would like things
to change? |
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| Maryam had never had access to the money in her bank account
and it took her a long time to talk with her parents about it.
For a long time she thought that she should do what her parents
had told her even if she did not think it was fair or it made
her feel bad. She did not think it was ok for her to speak-up
and tell her parents how she felt. One day she told her friend
about how she felt and her friend told her she needed to believe
in herself and have the confidence to speak-up. Her friend said
that she should feel good about herself and she should not let
anybody else make her feel bad. After talking with her friend,
Maryam realized it was ok for her to ask her parents to have
access to her money. Maryam knew that she knew how to save money
and wouldn’t spend it all at once and that she was capable
of making decisions for herself. |
Self esteem is the way you feel and think about yourself. People
with good self esteem are happy with themselves. They know that
they do not have to be perfect or live up to anybody else’s
expectations. People with good self esteem are not afraid to speak-up
for themselves because they know it is about how much you value
yourself and think of yourself as a good person. Good self esteem
helps you to be proud of yourself and the things you do. It gives
you courage to try new things and believe in yourself even when
you make mistakes. It helps you to know that you can make decisions
for yourself.
Part of our self esteem comes from the things other people say
to us. Sometimes people with disabilities and people from CaLD backgrounds
are told they are stupid and they are told what to so and are not
allowed to make decisions for themselves. When people are told they
are not good at things all the time they sometimes start to believe
it and they feel bad about themselves. You need to remember that
there are a lot of things you are good at and that you don’t
have to be good at everything. It is ok just to be you! The more
decisions you make for yourself the more things you will learn you
can do and the better you will feel about yourself.
To build up your self esteem and feel better about yourself you
should try to:
• Do things that you like and are good at
• Don’t think about the way things should be done- just
do it as best you can
• Be careful about comparing yourself to other people
• Think about times when you have done something good (at
school, at sport, at home)
• When you think bad things about yourself, stop and try to
do something you enjoy
• Try new things, you feel good when you improve at something
• If you are not good at something don’t get too upset-
you can’t be good at EVERYTHING!
It can sometimes take a long time to feel good about yourself,
especially if you have been told for a long time that you are not
good at things. There are some things you can do to remind yourself
that it is ok to be you, and there are a lot of things that you
are good at. Here is an activity that might help you think about
all the good things about being you!
• Fold a piece of paper into three like a brochure
• On the front cover write “ALL THE GREAT THINGS ABOUT
BEING ME!”
• On the first panel write “THINGS I LIKE TO DO…”
• On the second panel write “THINGS I AM GOOD AT …”
• On the third panel write “THINGS THAT MAKE ME FEEL
GOOD…”
• On the first back panel write “PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME
FEEL GOOD…”
• On the second back panel write “THINGS I LIKE ABOUT
MYSELF…”
• Then go through magazines to find pictures to describe all
the sections. Or you could take photos, draw your own pictures,
and write a story or a poem anything that shows all the great things
about you.
• Anytime you feel bad about yourself get out the brochure
and remind yourself why it is great to be you.
Maryam didn’t know why her parents would not listen
to her. She had tried to tell them that she wanted to have access
to her money but they just got angry with her and would not
talk about it. Angela told Maryam to think about the way she
spoke with her parents and how they might feel. Maryam thought
that she got angry with her parents quickly and they might not
like to talk with her if she was angry with them.
Maryam practiced ways to talk about her feelings and thoughts
without getting angry or being rude. Angela said that talking
about your feelings calmly and respecting the other person’s
feelings was called being assertive.
When Maryam next spoke with her parents she told them that not
having money made her feel left out and that she wasn’t
capable of doing things. She remembered to talk about her feelings
without getting angry and to respect what her parents were saying
and think about how they felt. When Maryam spoke about how she
felt and was respectful, her parents listened and were more
willing to find a solution.
|
Assertive behaviour allows you to get your needs heard while taking
into consideration other people’s rights and feelings. In
order to behave in an assertive way, you must state your requests
clearly and politely AND listen to and respect the other person’s
response. When you are behaving assertively you can express your
thoughts, feelings, and opinions in an honest way.
It helps if you have done all your research and know your rights
and responsibilities before talking with the other person(s) so
you are aware of both you and the other person(s) rights and responsibilities.
Assertive listening is important for good self-advocacy because
it lets the other person know you are interested in what they are
saying and that you understand what is being said. You can show
you are interested in the other person’s point of view by
paying attention and asking questions when you need to. Don’t
be afraid to ask questions if you are not sure of something, it
is important everyone has a good understanding of what is being
discussed.
Answer the following
questions to see if you are assertive.
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YES |
NO |
| When you disagree with somebody do you speak-up and tell
them? |
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Do you say no if somebody asks you to do something you don’t
want to do or you do not feel comfortable about? |
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Do you ask for help if you need it? |
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Do you feel confident about yourself and what you think? |
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Do you speak-up and tell people what you think and feel? |
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Do
you try to find a solution that makes you happy? |
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Do you try to be polite and respectful to other people? |
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Do you listen and try to understand what other people are
saying? |
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Do you ask questions if you don’t understand something? |
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If you have answered ‘yes’ to any of the above questions
you are behaving assertively. Try to improve on any of the areas
you have answered ‘no’ to.
| Maryam had been fighting with her parents about money for
a long time and they never solved anything. Maryam didn’t
know how to solve the problem so she thought she would find
some help. She went to her LAC, Angela, and told her about what
was happening. After talking with somebody about the problem,
Maryam felt better. She could speak with Angela without getting
angry because Angela was not involved. Maryam could also talk
to her about how to handle the problem and try to find the best
ways to solve it. Angela was able to teach Maryam about the
best ways to communicate with people, how to stay calm, how
to plan your strategy and many other things. Maryam was able
to practice how she was going to speak with her parents by role
playing with Angela so she was more prepared when it came time
to talking with her parents. It was very important to Maryam
to have a support network to help her through the self-advocacy
process. Maryam also learnt it was important to talk with her
friends and other people she trusted about the problems she
was having. |
It is important for you to have a person who you trust and feel
comfortable talking with about your feelings because self-advocacy
can sometimes be hard. Talking with someone about how you are feeling
can help you to decide what you would like to speak about. Other
people can also give you encouragement and support when you need
it or help you think of solutions.
A support person can also help you to write letters or speak in
meetings if you need assistance or to help you interpret information
if you have trouble with English.
It is important that your support person does not try to speak-up
for you. They should let you decide what you would like to do at
every stage of the self-advocacy process. It is up to YOU to make
the decisions, your support person (or people) is just there to
help you when you need it and give you encouragement and support.
| Support Networking
Activity |
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Think about the people you speak to if you are feeling angry or upset
and the people who help you to decide what you would like to do if
you are having a problem.
Speak to them about what you think you would like to speak-up about
and tell them a bit about what you might need them to do to help
you. Ask them if they would like to help. Remember that it is ok
for them to say no, they have the right to make decisions just like
you do.
Where you can go for more information:
• Ethnic Disability Advocacy Centre
320 Rokeby Road, Subiaco 6008
Ph: 9388 7455
1800 659 921
Fax: 9388 7433
www.edac.org.au
• Goal setting:
www.nexus.edu.au/Divisions/curriculum/clp/VacationLiteracy/Gsmain.htm
• Self Esteem:
www.counselling.qut.edu.au/selfhelp/students/self_esteem.jsp
www.abc.au/talkitup/pdfs/self_esteem_Activities.pdf
• Assertiveness:
www.jobweb.com/resources/library/Workplace_Culture/Communicating_in_the_12_01.htm
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